Tuesday, September 29

A convo between friends

Joesph Gordon Levitt: Hello

Zooey Deschanel: Hey Joe, it’s Zooey

JGL: Hey

ZD:Guess what?


I just saw him.

Oh Zooey, no!

What do you mean no?

I mean no, you aren’t suppose to be following him anymore.

Well, I didn’t follow him, on purpose. It was an accident.

What does that mean?

It means, I was minding my own biz at Forever 21, and I saw them.

You saw them?

Yeah, I saw her too….she was gross.

I tried telling you but you never listened.

I mean it Joe, she was disgusting.

I know, I kept telling you, you are better off, but you never listened.

No Joe, she grabbed his crotch, in public. Like she is, I have a disease and strip down at McCool’s on Wednesday nights, gross.

Once again Zooey, this I know. Are you eating?

Just some candy.

Urgh, Zooey, you know I hate when you chew in my ear.

Relax, so anyway, I did follow them around the store a little.

See, you are not supposed to, you could be in big trouble for violating the restraining order.

I’m not technically in violation of it. I mean yes, I ran into them, but I didn’t follow them there, it was a complete coincidence.


Really, and you didn’t even let me get to the best part.

Go on then

Later on, I was getting a pretzel at the one place that does the good cheese thing not the easy cheese thing, minding my own biz and they got in line behind me!

No, Zooey.

No what? Listen I didn’t do anything. Her voice is shrill and that is putting it nicely. But I didn’t do anything, but look at them. And you should’ve seen their faces. He looked like I was going to punch him or claw out her eyes. It was like total fear, it was awesome.

That is because you did threaten to punch him in the face and claw out her eyes, among other unmentionable things, because you are crazy.

Hey, not anymore I have a certificate.

Yeah well I think they jumped the gun on that one.

What are you talking about? I am heaps better than I was. I mean, I get the restraining order, I deserved it, because I was you know, but that was before. But I am like a different person now. I get things done.

You are still crazy.

Hey, everyone has these thoughts; I am just honest about them.

Whatever you have to tell yourself.

Hey, that’s harsh.

I am not going to sugar coat it for you, and will you please stop chewing in my ear.

You are a bad friend Joe, I come to you with ground breaking news and you piss all over me.

I’m the bad friend? You stabbed me with a pairing knife.

That was before I got my situation, you know, situated. And I apologized for that like a million times. Like hold a grudge much?

Whatever Zooey, I gotta go, if you can’t stop masticating.

Joe, you know I don’t do that anymore.

It means chewing.

Oh, right, well I gotta go too. They just passed by in their car and if I don’t go now, they will get out of the parking lot before I catch them.

Zooey, LEAVE them alone.

Hey, I won’t do anything bad. Just pull her out of the car when they are at a stop and beat her brains in with the crowbar stuffed under my seat.

I am hanging up now.

Hey come over later so that we can watch Grey’s together.

Oh, ok, I’ll bring take-out, bye.

Bye. L

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