Tuesday, March 16

Calling all corners, there is a dead one here

Like, are you a blue personality or a red personality?

Personality tests are shit.
When I take those I am always, always a mix between Blue and White, which means: 
You are comfortable, You express yourself softly and sincerely. Your personality is easy to read. People find you determined, yet flexible. You are someone with whom almost anyone can get along.

Seriously? That is my personality? What a snooze fest.
For example what does: You are comfortable, mean really? Like I am comfortable to be around? I always find myself comfortable when I am sitting? Even though my tights have bunched up my undies in a ball, I am still comfortable? 
It is just too broad. 
Yet, every time I am presented with one of these things, I take it. Even though the answers are never anything I don't already suspect about my self. Yes, I know that I am can get along with almost anyone, anyone can tell you that.
I think I am, like most, searching for an answer as to why I am they way I am, not, the way I am, that I already know.
Of all the countless personality test I have ever taken I have only come across one that really, really got to me.
It was super complicated and I can't remember much about it except the end, when it told me: You are not very realistic. 
Because that is a truth about myself that I knew, but never admitted to myself. At least until I took that test, now I am a bit/tiny/smidgen better about recognizing this in me.
I am not very realistic, no matter what it involves, my perception of actual reality and my crazy delusions are so different, it is frightening. I spend 99% of my day in a state of dreaming. I dream often and I dream big, even when I am awake. I think its the reason I find comfort in books, TV and movies, because its a voice I recognize, its not reality.
It is also the reason I write. Simply to make some room inside this bulbs head of mine, as if getting my dreams onto paper will help me feel more sane. 
And it does help from the point I start to type, to the point when I stop. Then its all about large bats taking over planet earth and Jake Gyllenhaal being super impressed by my ninja skills.

1 comment:

  1. Now I see why all those crazy stories I thought up in Vegas totally didn't faze you. "While we're over at the concert the guys will be over here with you!" and you're like, "Mmm hmm. And after we hang out and become best friends, maybe I'll text you guys."


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