two divided by two

Here are two things I don't care about. I almost don't care enough to post something about them, but here it is

I don't care if she is skinny, I don't care if she is fat, I don't care is she dates John Mayer or Billy Corgan. I don't care if she farts her way off this  planet. I don't care if her dad is creepy or that her sister looks better as a redhead. I don't care if she makes music again or if she continues to be famous doing MTV reality shows.

I just don't give a shit. 

I don't care who wins Dancing with the Stars. I prefer to watch, So You think You Can Dance. Because it is full with amazingly talented people( who are not trying to revive or prolong their twenty minutes of fame), who do amazingly talented dances ( as in the can dance, its not painful to watch, I mean I cry sometimes, but its because its so good). That is entertainment to me. So...DWTS you can suck it....

Brad or Johnny

The ever loving question. If you were to kiss one, who would it be? Mine would be Johnny, hands down.  And if I got the chance, his lovely lady Vanessa as well. That is just how I roll.

Beard of the Day

I was listening to and therefore wondering if Ray Lamontagne was coming in concert anytime soon. So... I googled him and found out he is touring in August, but not here. But Vegas, which I feel like I would make a drive to Vegas for him. Especially when he looks like this.

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I realize it is a old picture (note the tour for fall 2009), but still people....so yummy! And.... Epic beard of the day, though it may be.

And then there was none

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I am trying to figure out just how I feel about the fact that Brittany Murphy's husband was found dead (due to natural causes, which just means initially they have ruled out homicide and obvious suicide, like gun shots etc.) yesterday, Sunday evening, for those who don't know the day of the week.  

On one hand,  it is very, very, sad that he has passed away, unexpected death causes pain to those who are left behind, and from what I have read Sharon, Brittany's mother was already having such a hard time when Brittany passed. Now this, her one rock (which was kinda strange, the relationship Simon (Brittany's husband) and her had) which leads me to the point about this. I feel like there is still something very fishy going on here. With Brittany's death, with him and his death. I just can't get over the fact that he looks like a serial killer. And the repeated reports of people saying he was manipulative and just sort of an all around scumbag. So maybe he drugged her and himself. Maybe and more exciting, Sharon, killed them both. Call it a hunch, because I don't know that it will ever be proven, but there was something very fishy (I mean two seeming healthy young people are now dead) going on in that house.

for the love of....

After making it to only one of many court appearances she was suppose to attend. It looks as though Lindsay, the walking and talking meat puppet, might actually go to jail. Well...at least there has been an arrest warrant issued. She has lost her passport while working vacationing in Cannes, therefore did not show up to the LA court hearing this morning. The thing that is the most depressing about this is.... I don't think serving jail time will do anything for her. Not one thing.

Beard of the Day

Everything has changed.....

Don't water those, they are fake

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Apparently they are making this book into a movie. Which considering my love for old circus photos, I feel like esthetically, I will be in love with this movie, even though I was only lukewarm, in love with the book.

Our favorite vampire, Robbie Pattinson, is going to be the lead Jacob Jankowski, which I think works well. His awkwardness and bad acting might serve him well as the young, naive, lovesick hero.

Reese Witherspoon is going to be Marlena? Which doesn't work for me at all. Don't get me wrong, she is pretty, I love her, but she is too goofy, southern and blond and it works for characters like, Elle Woods in Legally Blonde or Tracy Flick in Election. It doesn't compute with my image of Marlena. So.. I hope its not disappointing. Because Christoph Waltz is playing August, and that's just perfect. Especially if you saw Inglorious Basterds. He plays over bearing assholes, really well.

Start Up Maintenance Instructions

If I have said it once, I will say it again, on million times, if I have too, I love these two (one Shia LeBeouf and one Carey Mulligan) together. I hope they get married and have lots of sex and babies.

I heard a rumor at one point that these two (Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams) were hooking up. I don't know that it was ever an actual relationship, but I wish it was... that and I want to look like Michelle when I grow up... it can't hurt, right?

 Then there was the rumor that these two (Diane Lane and Josh Brolin) were getting a divorce, and I am once again elated, to see that is not the case. Though I am under the impression that Josh Brolin is a complete and totally ass hat. But he is really good looking.  I think him and his wrangler clad ass in No Country for Old Men, sparked my love for cowboys. Cowboy butts drive me nuts. Not really, but Josh's butt, on the other hand..... a totally different story.

I have been waiting for you since breakfast

New Coco coming in November, bless the cheese sauce!

I have been boycotting late night talk shows, ever since Conan has been gone, so I just have a few more months left of a hard, up hill both ways, to school, in a snow storm. Before he comes to my aide like a pale beacon of light!

Did you know that my elbows fold into paper crane's?

Also, did anyone know, Lucy hasn't posted here on Kittens and Paws since December? NO, well that is another reason why the post's have been far and few between, and lack luster in their performing arts skills. 

So.... next time you talk at her, please make her feel like a steaming mess of two day old hot dogs, for not posting, so that we can go back to lots of posts that are lots of funny. 

I am here today to tell you about one love/crush of mine, that doesn't make much sense but I have had it for years and it doesn't seem to be going away. It all started when I lived in Las Vegas. I would get home from work around 10pm every night and I would not be the least bit sleepy. So, I would watch in no particular order or for any other reason than, it was all that was on at that time of night:  

South Park, Frasier and Will & Grace.

And that was all it took, a couple months of Frasier re runs and I was, not yet set, liquid jello, in David Hyde Pierce's well manicured hands. I keep thinking it has something to do with his jawline, it is so chiseled I could wash my britches on it. Also.. I found myself giggling like a little girl, while I recently, watched an interview with him. And all he was doing was talking about his dogs.

( I love him in Wet Hot American Summer, so I used this picture, he is sexy, he is)

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Yes, I know he is gay, did you? Yes, I know he is blond and has a receding hairline, did you? Yes I know it makes absolutely no sense, did you? Yes, I would throw my naked body at him...did you?

Sometimes I still need you

Calling all those that drink Tea, I have found the new love of my life

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Tazo, Berryblossom White: A delicate tea with enticing hints of blueberry and white cranberry. 

Oh goodnight, its delicious.

Face of the year

Why must she never do her hair or put a different look on her face, even for Oprah, KStew has failed yet again to look like anything but a strung out piece of partially warmed up breakfast ham.

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Beard of the Day

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A round faced Johnny Depp, WTF!

They came from outter space

Just the other day I was having lunch with my dear sweet friend Brooke. When we get together we tend to gossip. But not just about people we know, sometimes we gossip about celebrities, like we know them. It is all in good fun and I cherish the time I spend with that special lady. One very informative piece of gossip she laid on me was this. Her sister works in a very upscale salon in L.A., in which Celebrities often visit. They offer all sorts of services at this salon, not just the usual. And when I say all sorts I am talking mainly on the massage and pedicure side, nothing freaky, but apparently that was lost on a couple of celebrities who can no longer visit said salon. Two very well known actors, men actors, who one at least, has a wife and kids, were asked never to return, because they asked for "happy endings" from the male masseurs. Its true people! And I was trying to decide whether to tell the names or not...but I feel like next time you see me, ask me and I will tell you. 

So after she told me the names I was like, wait, one of them wasn't Tom Cruise?

Because I have always suspected and I have heard funny rumors over the years that Tom is actually gay. 

Which is why I feel like Katie Holmes looks so sad most of the time. A fact I was discussing with Marianne the other day also. Almost as if Tom is using some sort of mind control where he never lets her shower. (which has more to do with him being crazy, than gay, two different thoughts)

to which Marianne said: "I don't know that I have noticed."  to which I said "oh my.. I will send you pictures, she looks disgusting, ALL THE TIME."

Then I actually looked at pictures of Katie and I had to change my tune. I guess I was a bit harsh, because in the end, mostly she just looks like a mom. And I will have to admit a pretty cute one at that, one that I think I am kinda of in love with, I mean fashion wise, I mean she isn't Brittany Spears, is all I am saying. 

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She does appear to be struggling with what to do with her hair as she is trying to grow it out, but that is something I think we can all relate to. Although I do have a hard time believing she should even have to struggle with something like that, considering the money she has at her disposal. But that is my own personal problem and I should not lay it at Katie's feet.

Prince of really nice biceps

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Lucy was talking last night about how Jake here is in Prince of Persia the Sands of Time, because who would go and see that movie, if he wasn't in it? Which I don't think is fair, I can think of lots of reasons I would go and see this movie. 

1. I think Jake's hair looks really sexy long.
2. I kind of dig the way his trousers hug his package.
3. He has got some really nice pecs in this picture.
4. I am sort of the fence about how it looks as though he man-scaped. I mean he isn't hair less, but I would prefer a bit more. I know its wierd. On myself, hair disgusts me, on men, I looove it!!
5. He almost looks like the Rock in this picture!
6. Did I mention that I like his long hair. 
7. I am not really into licking, but his pose in this picture is conjuring some different feelings for sure.
8. Wait...did we talk about his hair?

Darn this stuff....

Last night I was granted the pure pleasure of having my dearest Marianne and Lucy come to my house for our ritual night of food (usually mass amounts) and watching of our favorite Thursday night TV programming of Vampire Diaries and Grey's Anatomy. For a while it included Private Practice, but even we have standards, which can be interpreted however you feel.  Also in tow was Lucy's friend Megan.

It was the season finale of Vampire Diaries, which season finales are always a good time. Even if I haven't seen a show before, I will watch the season finale, because it is the show where everything happens, no filler of fluff. And even though we hadn't actually watched since maybe March it was still awesome. I still argue that the series is way better than the books. And we are constantly pleased that every episode the men just get sexier and sexier!!

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But here is something that I can't help and wonder every single week. What in the name of  bats at Christmas, would a, couple hundred odd years old, vampire, see in a 17 year old high school girl? Its the same question on my lips with Twilight. It just makes no sense in actual reality.  There is no way a boy that old and experienced ( and I am not just talking sex, I mean life experiences) would find his heart's content with a moody and naive little girl. So..... if this vampire trend is going to continue, I must make a plea that we get someone in there who can get the job done. Give the girl some age and substance, please for the love of goats and their cheese.

Posting to post

I have been struggling lately with topics to post on. Lets not mistake this however, with the fact that I continually think about things I really want to post about, but I forget them all the time. I will see something, hear something and think well hell, I have an opinion on that I will for shiz blog about it. And then she is gone the very next day. Damn this brain of mine, because in all actuality I have a great memory. Just ask my cousin Melissa. I can recall things from our childhood, that she herself never remembers. Detailed events down to the clothing we were wearing (which has more to do with the fact that I had horrible personal style for all of the 90's, a fact that plagues me to this day). But for the sake of the few people who do read this on a constant basis and have asked me to blog to save their sanity, how can I refuse them? I am nothing if not a superhero in the blogging world, after all, I do look exceptional in tights!!

Not sure...

I am not sure if its because I am so full from lunch or so lonely but I have been watching the below video on repeat all day.. and wiping away tears. I'm not sobbing my way through it but there is something so magical about this performance that it brings tears to my eyes and runs chills down my spine!

This is the most amazing thing I think I have ever seen....

Decidedly stupid

My obsession with the CW programming is not unlike the time I bought shoes for my dog. I thought it would be cute to see him walk around in tiny tennis shoes, after all they were blue and red. What happened after strapping him into those shoes and watching him try to walk however, was nothing short of tragic. But tragic in the way that it is funny and so sad all at the same time, that I kept showing people, because I myself could not look away as he individually picked up each foot and tried to spider walk his way across the room. I did end up taking back the shoes the very next day, I am not that heartless. 

Almost identical in sight is the CW show One Tree Hill. Most of the time its just so funny and sad all the same time (without trying to be) that its impossible to watch, but every now and then its so bad that it turns good again (without trying to be) and its impossible not to watch.

For instance I was watching TV this weekend and ad for the next episode came on and apparently one of the main characters is going to try to commit suicide. This main character to be exact

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Whose character's name, if I know my ass from my elbows, is Haley. Who in the course of the shows existence has been impregnated whilst still in High School which lead to her having to put her music career aside for her new husband and baby. The boyfriend turned husband was a struggling amateur (recently, just this last season, turned pro) Basketball player (which is what this show is about, basketball, which is always a big snooze fest for me.) Who injures himself and cheats on her with the nanny. Then her son almost drowns in their pool and then later is kidnapped by nanny who slept with husband and almost killed. Which I know sounds all interesting, but really, so poorly done that I haven't watched it in a while. But after seeing the promo for her suicide attempt, I feel like its time to re visit One Tree Hill. Especially considering the fact that Haley looks as if she is going to drown herself in the pool her son almost died in. I mean how poetic is that?

On a similar note:

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This sexy strumpet is Hilarie Burton, she use to star on One Tree Hill. But then I think her character was killed off. I am uncertain however, because that was during a period where I did not watch the show. It was almost as if she disappeared into thin air. One moment there and the next *Poof* she was gone. Anyhow, I was reading through US Weekly yesterday and apparently she is dating (and secretly had a baby with) Jeffery Dean Morgan, who for those that Grey's is Denny and those that comic book is Comedian from Watchmen and here is a visual reference...

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It is crazy to me that they are dating, it gave me pause, almost like: well if these two can date, anything can happen!

And then I had to laugh out loud at the reasoning US Weekly gave as to why they speculate that they have a secret baby, its because there was a nine month period where she was not photographed. Which I think just happens when your biggest acting credit was One Tree Hill and your not even on that show anymore.
If it is all true.......... then wonders never cease.

de Mayo

For all of those out there that are planning on celebrating Mexico's Independence today, don't bother. Cinco de Mayo is not Mexico's Independence day and its not even celebrated widely by Mexican's. It is pretty much a white guys excuse to get wasted. Because that is what we like to do, we like to kick them out of our country, then every 5th day of May, we drink in honor of their heritage and pride. God Bless us everyone!!!

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Laugh it up fuzz ball

I can not believe that I would let such a day pass without even a mention. It is national Star Wars day, or national, can't get a date ever, something like that. I was totally half asleep this morning when they said it on the news and I just remembered right now when I saw something on the ever informative facebook. So....May the Schwartz be with you......shit wrong movie......the Force be with you!!

Tiny Dancer

I can not stop laughing at this picture. I am wiping away tears and I just hope it brighten your day, just like it did mine.

But you only just MET me

Last night was the Met Museum Costume Institute Gala.

This years theme "American Women: Fashioning a National Identity", whatever the hell that means, I just like looking at the pretty dresses. Or the really horrible ones like this one

(Elizabeth Banks)

I really have no love for her. Mainly it is due to the fact that no matter the movie she is in, she rocks the most horrific hair I have ever seen, aside from Cameron Diaz's hair in My best Friends Wedding, that was disgusting. Elizabeth's hair, is way too matronly for her and it bothers me that she does nothing about it, except talk about how hot she is, in every interview I have ever heard her give. So it does make my heart smile to see her look like this. It just does.....

(Christina Hendricks)

Is so beautiful. I mean she is stunning in every thing she wears, in any color. However, her make up is really not working for her so much here, but I mean she can do no wrong in my eyes. My only worry for her is her poor back. I mean it has got to be the worst job in the world carry those huge massive breasts around. I do not envy the girl her boobs. I really don't. 

(Sienna Miller and Jude Law)

I am so happy to see these two back together and that is really all I have to say. I mean they do look sexy and gorgeous but is like....well obvious. 

(Camilla Bell)

I don't know how she does it considering her most notable movie was 10,000 BC, which came out two years ago. But somehow she manages to show up looking amazing at every event she attends. Either She is sleeping with some designer or some designers. Or her stylist is the most magical person on the planet. Maybe it doesn't matter that she isn't super famous, maybe her super gorgeous face is all anyone needs?

(Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake)

Oops! It looks like Jessica forgot to get ready before she left the house. Justin should have told her to take a shower and get out of that night gown. Maybe he was just planning on his own hotness and her pretty, pretty face, getting them by. Which it almost does. Almost. 

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Joe, Joe, Joe your boat

The other evening I was mentioning to my dear sweet Aunts how surprising it was that while I love JGL I have never dreamed about him (naughty or otherwise). This was of course after one of them shared a very amazing dream she had about one of her famous crushes. It was a shame we decided and very, very strange considering how much I  adore that boy. 

(JGL)

Well I am happy to report that last night I had a dream and fortunately for me it was about JGL but unfortunately it was not sexy. Boo. 

In fact I had no actual interaction with him at all. Essentially I was in a very large supermarket, like a Costco, and I got in line to pay, behind this women who had a overflowing cart of goods. As I was eyeballing her cart with pure judgment, I over hear her tell the check out girl that this cart of food (including Twinkies and Tofu) is actually for JGL. Who is in the store but can't for obvious reasons buy his own groceries. 

I am of course silently freaking out behind her. Thinking to myself, Holy Crap, he is here!

But I play it cool and after she is rung up and starts to leave I follow after her (leaving behind my cart, because all there is is tampons any how).

I am so stealthy in my hiding behind cosmetic and Jewelry counters that she never realizes that I am following her. 

We travel through the store for what seems like ages and eventually we come to a fenced off area that isn't even remotely hidden (tons of people are walking by, NBD) and sitting in the middle at a table is JGL.

It is almost half, sitting like a caged animal there for our enjoyment (please bless) and half like he was just waiting to sign autographs.

Either way, I stop a moment and take in his beautification (because he is so beautiful) and then I fluff my hair pull my shoulders back and I walk. I don't walk up to fence and engage him, oh no, I walk right by.  But its more of a strut, I mean I am working it. And poor Joe has no choice he has to look and when he does a small part of him falls in love with me. I know this because I see it in his face. Because like any good girl, who struts pass a guy like she don't care, always does a look back like "Oh yeah, I know you want it." And if you have done your job correctly you will have them pleading, begging, agonizing, for a second look.
Which he was and then he started barking, or more accurately my damn dog started barking. So I woke up. And try as I might, when I do get back to sleep, my dream never picks up right where it left off.