I for one can't believe how quickly the past year went or how quickly it needed to go. As some of you may know and some may not, I am preparing to go off to school next month. In general when people ask me about it, I simply say, "I'm excited!" Because for one thing I am completely excited, but.... for another thing; I can not articulate exactly how I am feeling, because I don't even understand it. Even as a women who knows all too well what it means to be emotionally charged, I never knew that any one person could feel so many different things at one time, it puts crazy into perspective.
Luckily for me and most of those around me, I am really good at working through my onslaught of emotions with little fall out. I take them as they come, accept them and figure out how it can help me or how I need to let it go (which granted, is sometimes easier said than done). That is not to say, that even with some level headed thinking there is not a part of me that isn't absolutely terrified. Yes, I am afraid to leave my family, my friends; who are like family and my entire support system and push re start. Venturing into a shitty city, full of equally shitty people where the very real possibility that despite my courage, my confidence and ability: I MAY FAIL!
But guess what, that is life and I for one refuse to be afraid of life.
So, here I go. I demanded better for myself. I decided that I was a strong, capable, person, who can do all the things I ever dreamed of doing and it all starts with one scary step. Because at the end of all the other emotions I feel excited and calm. If I have learned anything this past year, its that the scary decisions, are the right decisions. If you feel nothing then you aren't doing it right; true in sex and true in life.